Hard Decision day

This has been a day of hard decision. First I had to call in sick. This was because I did not sleep at all last night and was in no condition to drive. I did not sleep will because my kitty Kyzer was in pain. He went to the vet last Friday for appointment for bladder problems. He was diagnosed with a possible urinary infection. So special diet and antibiotics equipped and told if his bladder got any bigger to get him in. He spent the weekend seeming ok. He played with his sister, fought getting his medicine, stubbed his nose at the new food and cuddled so well. Monday night he started whining and acting lazy again. All night he whined and wanted to cuddle. At 5 I called the emergency vet and got him in. I also called work and said I would not be in. The Diamond Vet on Rucker was very nice to both Kyzer and me. The vet tried her hardest to get him to pee. He would or could not. They gave him Valium and he would pee a little. They wanted to try meds for 8 hours and see if he could go. They could not. So on to surgery. They were going to put a catheter in for 48 hours and drain it all. Got the call about noon. The bladder was 75% blocked and full of crystals and stones. I had to make the decision to do surgery or put him down. I got Kzyer at Petsmart in Lynnwood on November 13 2010 with his sister Katie. I went to petsmart just to look and Kyzer came up to me and stretched out on my leg, looked up with his yellow eyes that said pick me up. I fell in love with him. Katie meowed and batted her eyes. So both went home with me. So at 8 months May you Rest in Peace Kyzer Allen. You will be missed.

After many messages to friends and family (Thank you Nancy, Jeanne and Erika) I made the hard decision. Kyzer was going to be put down. I feel so bad but know it is the better choice. He would have trouble the rest of his life.

How your mind works HMMM!!

So I have been beating myself up all weekend. Since Thursday when I had the accident I have been going through what happened. I have second, third,and hundred times guessing if it was my fault or the other drivers. So thankful that no one was hurt. Now it just waiting for the decision and investigation to let me know what the result was and if I get any punishment. On the good note. Prayer has been very active. So much to be Thankful for, so much to ask God to heal others, for jobs to be found for those without, for the citizens of Japan that have family members thru out the world still waiting to hear if there loved ones are alive and what kind of damage they have had to the homes. Praying for the safety of all members of our Military. The men and women who are in the different services and countries protecting America. I have also been cloud watching alot the last few days. Blue sky and white puffy clouds. What do you seen in the clouds. There was a great rainbow tonight over the Snohomish valley. Western Washington is Gods palate He creates such beautiful scenes here. With the white topped mountain and the blue waters and sunrises and sunsets. Oh what glorious colors. Well back to beating myself up. Dealt with Prayer.

Rambling

I have not posted in awhile. So here are some rambling.

It has been a pretty good year. Then you have the days that just suck. I have had a few of those this year.

I have had a couple of friends who have lost loved ones. I have had some of our passengers die, I have a co worker battling cancer and is not expected to have much time.

This just reminds me that I need to live each day to the fullest and for God.

Today was a sunny, blue sky day. All was going well, and then I got in an accident.

I also have a problem that I don't know how to solve. Someone said something to me, completely innocent, but it hurt. I know that words should not have this effect but every once in awhile they do.

The weather has been so gorgeous and blue sky and sunshine are trying to come back. What do expect from the conversion zone. All sorts of weather that changes so quickly.

I have been praying alot for the victims of the Japan Quake and aftermath. Hearing the good news that friends of friends are safe and then how many are missing or dead. Having the aftershocks and radition problems. I know God has the greatest plan and we need to trust Him.

My favorite time is Sunday nights. A group of family and friends get together for the Amazing Race. This group is so special to me as well as the laughter that just goes on and on. What a way to start a week.

Well thats a taste of my time lately.

Saturday

What a week. Its been so long and crazy. To be woken up by kitties jumping on you on your day off. Love it even though it was 5 am. Off to see what the weekend brings.

Ramble more later. : )

Josh Wilson - I Refuse (Slideshow With Lyrics)

I just heard this song this weekend and love what it says I want to have that frame of mind.

Reflections

Five years ago I made a decision that scared me.

I gave notice at the job I was at teaching drivers education in Marysville for a private company. They did not have any benefits so Istarted looking elsewhere. I had been curious about these blue and white minibuses that drove around the county so I looked them up online and they were hiring.

Did I want to drive elderly and disabled people around the county? Did I have the patience to be in traffic every day? Could I deal with the wide array of personalities?

I applied. Got a call and set up interview. The first question I asked was "Are the buses automatic?" I don't do manual well at all. Someday someone will have theoffer to teach me. They will have to have patience of a saint and I might take them up on it.

I got the job. So working part time and in training with 13 others I started learning all about my job. These four weeks went fast but learned alot.

Five years later and only 1 classmate left.
I Love my job.
I get to travel the county in all sorts of weather. I have made new friends. I have had trials and great experiences. Been thru tears and laughter. Have some great coworkers, some that I got to train.

Heres to many more years.

So they say confession is good for the soul.

Confession noun, acknowledgement, admission, confession of incompetence

I am confession that I have been avoiding people, not because of anything they have done but what I have done. Avoiding people because I know some people can read me like a book and I did not want to have to explain my stupidity or even really acknowledge my stupidity. So if I was not around anyone they could not ask me whats up.

Here it is I totally screwed up my life for the past two weeks. Have you ever been in some trouble and not wanted to let anyone know or ask for help. I have done that. Other than work and church for the most part I have stayed at home.

I am embarrassed, frustrated, helpless and humiliated. So what have I done??

I totally messed up my finances and lived on very little for the last 2 weeks. I thought I had not paid 3 bills so what did I do paid twice. I have called myself so many different names and finally talked to God. I made sure I had tithed and then gas in the car, so I could go to work. I made sure the cats had food and litter. Did I make sure I was taken care of ? Of course not. That would mean I would have to tell someone I royally screwed up to a point I was so frustrated with myself.

Did things get better? No, not right away but payday came and I am watching the bills this month. Good thing is one is paid off and put into savings after tithing.

I realized that I did make sure that others had what they needed including the kittens before me having some things. If I do this again I know that I would make sure others have what they need before me. Self centered no. Just the way I am, it is what I know God wants from me. He will take care of me.

I am sorry if I have offended anyone. Totally not my intention. Please forgive me if I have.

Now to plan my month of February.