Monday, January 31, 2011

So they say confession is good for the soul.

Confession noun, acknowledgement, admission, confession of incompetence

I am confession that I have been avoiding people, not because of anything they have done but what I have done. Avoiding people because I know some people can read me like a book and I did not want to have to explain my stupidity or even really acknowledge my stupidity. So if I was not around anyone they could not ask me whats up.

Here it is I totally screwed up my life for the past two weeks. Have you ever been in some trouble and not wanted to let anyone know or ask for help. I have done that. Other than work and church for the most part I have stayed at home.

I am embarrassed, frustrated, helpless and humiliated. So what have I done??

I totally messed up my finances and lived on very little for the last 2 weeks. I thought I had not paid 3 bills so what did I do paid twice. I have called myself so many different names and finally talked to God. I made sure I had tithed and then gas in the car, so I could go to work. I made sure the cats had food and litter. Did I make sure I was taken care of ? Of course not. That would mean I would have to tell someone I royally screwed up to a point I was so frustrated with myself.

Did things get better? No, not right away but payday came and I am watching the bills this month. Good thing is one is paid off and put into savings after tithing.

I realized that I did make sure that others had what they needed including the kittens before me having some things. If I do this again I know that I would make sure others have what they need before me. Self centered no. Just the way I am, it is what I know God wants from me. He will take care of me.

I am sorry if I have offended anyone. Totally not my intention. Please forgive me if I have.

Now to plan my month of February.

1 comment:

  1. Don't be so hard on yourself. Stuff happens. I love you! J.