Why is it so difficult to put into words what you want to say and do what you want to do? Why are some decisions harder than others? Should they not all be easy after all they should be based on how to do God's will?
This is something I am really struggling with. I am sometimes very shy even with my best friends and family.
I HATE THIS.
I cannot be honest with them or even talk to them. I will go out of the way to avoid them. This will beat me up for days. My mind will go through all sorts of thoughts and that gets me emotional. Why can I not be more open and say what I want to. I want to be more supportive of others. I can pray for them but talking is hard. Is it I don't want to be judged? I don't want to hear the truth. I don't want others opinions. I just don't know.
I want to do Gods will and be honoring to Him. Times like this I really question were do I stand with God? Why does He even care for me. I am so bad, so sinful. How can He ever forgive me.
I admire how others can be more open and speak their minds. I can think of what to say and it never comes out. I know that I should not envy others but there is so much others have to offer and me not much.
I need to trust in the Lord that He will guide me both in thoughts and actions to be honoring to Him in my life. I need to ask for forgiveness and Know that He is God.
So some day I will say what I want to say in a way that is good and not bad. In the meantime please forgive me for the shyness and just kick me to get me to open up if I seem to avoid you.