Hard long thoughts.

So a blog about something that has been on my little mind for a few years.

Prayer for so many different needs and wants are petitioned daily to God and He answers in His time with an answer that may not be what we want.

We pray for health, wealth, family, and the list continues on with unlimitless requests.

One that is frequent is for a women to be able to conceive. God wants us to be fruitful and multiple but there are times that this does not happen.

I have no regrets about not having kids. I have had the privilege to be involved in many lives through out the years. Many that have come to know God and serve Him.

My regret, unanswered pray or answered in a way I don't like is for a spouse. I don't see how God has used this in my life except I have patience. Sometimes I think that I am not a person that someone would like to spend time with. Other times I feel who cares, I am who I am with a love for God and family and friends.

Being single I have had the privilege of observing marriages. To watch how they interact and show their love and frustrations with their best friends the spouse. I am so thankful that I don't feel like I am a third wheel with my friends. I am included and love them for that.

I miss coming home and only my cat to greet me and have dinner with me. There are times I would love to have a shoulder to cry on or just to spend quiet time with.

I do love that my cat Katie will be at the window when I pull in and at the door as soon as I open it.

There have been a few times in the past three or four years that I have really broken down about

being alone.

The first was when I realized that I never had the chance to be a friend to my mom, only her child. Mom died when I was 18. I have women in my life who have been the mother figure for me. Paula was my Sunday school teacher in high school and is a dear friend who is a phone call away. I have been adopted by a wonderful lady Gladys. She is there for all her girls and has so much wisdom. So thankful for these woman.

I see my friends interact with their mothers and at times get jealous. I think I hide it well but it comes out sometimes. I can say I do not like mother/daughter teas at church but I go. I have had the privilege to be a mom for the tea to other girls who share their mom.

The second one was after I was assaulted at work. It was later in the evening and going home to an empty house was scary for me. I could have called a friend and they would have been there but I was embarrassed to even tell them what happened. My teddy bear was the shoulder I cried on. Teddy has seen alot of tears throughout the years.

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The third was last Christmas at my family Christmas. My sister every year takes a picture of each family in front of the Christmas tree. Seeing all my siblings with their family and me alone really hit hard last year and I was not very nice to my sister. A few days later I was able to tell her what was bugging me. She said she never thought about me being alone.

Most people don't. I can hide it well, it just comes out at times. How many times do you think about your single friends. Look at some of the holidays. Valentines day are not for singles. I will never be a mother so Mothers day is out. I have wonderful friends and family who are there so I don't miss to much at holidays.

The fourth was last summer at a women's retreat. Hearing the women talk about their husbands and the kids with all the good and laughter. I could not join in. Oh how the evil jealously was on my heart. So with the jealously and recently I had stopped a relationship and was dealing with that too. My thought and tears on my best friends shoulder on the beach was when I finally realized that God has something planned and I don't know what it is but my patience runs out at times.

I know that I am God's workmanship and He will use me and my life to do His will and I will try not to be impatience and accept His will.

So friends I might be calling for a shoulder to cry on or a spider to remove from my apartment or a jar to open. I will try not to be so stubborn and not ask for help. I keep getting reminded that their helping my might be a blessing to others. So God do Your will in my life.

summer

With summer in season so much to look forward to.

Garage sales with family and friends trying to find that something special. Ok someone elses garbage.

Driving around the state seeing it in it's finest green, since we have had rain this year.

Camping out in a tent with church group. Laughter will be at it best here. : )

Fresh fruits and vegetables out for sale and for the picking.

Just sitting on the beach and doing nothing but watching Gods wonders unfold in a beautiful sunset over the Olympic Mountains.

Exploring the Snohomish riverfront antique stores.

Now off to a drive and garage sale.

July 4th past and present

In my life I have enjoyed celebrating the Fourth of July.

Growing up on Puget Sound the beach was our playground.

A dock that when the tide came in you could jump off. Wide open areas of sands for drawing on. Looking for shells and rocks. Of course using kelp as whips on our make believe horses.

We had family come over as well as friends. An Aunt and Uncle would come up from Oregon with their travel trailor and camp in our yard for a couple of weeks.

The start of the day setting up for the picnic. Yummy food and BBQ. Many friends and relatives over the years. From young to the Grandmas, the dogs begging for food from the tables.

I loved to rest in the picnic baskets.

Swimming or just standing around in the water as it came in over the warm sand. Just splashing iin the water and getting wet was fun.

We also went out in the boats or had something to float on. I still love being in water. There is something about just walking the beach ankle deep in the water and viewing all that is there.

The pyromaniacs dream starting the fire and shooting of the fireworks.

As dusk falls the fire gets started, Graham crackers, marshmallows and chocolate bars with the perfect stick for roasting the marshmallow to golden brown, OK burnt. I love smooshing t

he graham crackers together and the chocolaty googy mess drips out, but I really don't like eating them.

Now is the time of night for the fireworks. My brothers could put on a pretty good show.

Present day Fourth has been somewhat the same but different in a very good way.

Everett puts on a pretty good Fourth of July festival. Saarting with the Yankee Doodle Dash

thru town to the parade and ending with fireworks both on the waterfront and at the stadium after the Aquasoxs game.

Having fun with friends, picnic foods, fireworks all make for a busy day.

God Bless America.

Confusion

I am confused again.

Why does life situations have to become a puzzle that does not have all the pieces? Why does your mind always have to give more than one answer, the right and the wrong?

I know that I have opened a can of worms and have tried to bottle it up but one worm keeps slipping out. Do I catch the worm and put it back or step on it and crush it?

I know I should forgive and forget but it comes back in small doses when totally unexpected and that makes it hard to forgive.

How do you get a word in edge wise when the other always talks or writes long?

Why is it hard to ask for someone to take time to talk to you? I hate to do that, so blogging I go.

On another note: Had a great day out with my sister Nancy and Elizabeth yard saling and the went to Goodwill outlet with Heather and the boys. Fun time.

A look back in time rambling

As my niece graduates high school this past week I think back to my 18th year to the present.

I was 17 when I graduated high school because of my August birthday. Fresh out of school and looking forward to community college I signed up to be a camp counselor. This was the first year our Presbytery had camp for 1-6 grades and high school and college age were counselors.

So at 5 mile lake in Auburn we went. I was in charge of the boats, ok canoes. I got to meet all the kids during afternoon free time and help them in the canoes. Over looking the swimming area and getting plenty of sun reflecting of "root beer lake" I was very happy. Root beer lake because the water reflected the bottom back light brown, with alot of lilly pads.

It was so much fun. The kids were eager for the most part to come to camp and learn about God.
I was a counselor for 13 years and got to know the kids and see them grow up and come back as counselors. So many I still see at church and on facebook. I have seen some grow up and serve the Lord in missions, so marry and have a family. Others making choices that are not the best.

Over the years my cabin seemed to be the girls from Westminster Church even though I attended Hillcrest. God knew what he was doing. I attend Westminster now and have for 19 years.

One of the girls grew up and married my nephew.

Some of the kids came from home situations that were not the best and to see them have a ball and hear the word of God, some for the first time, come to accept the Lord as there personal savior it the best reward of the week.

There is nothing like the great outdoor to run in, play in, swim in and of course throw water balloons in. Every Friday we would have a big water balloon fight. Kids and adults were all wet and tired but feeling so energized.
On Saturday we would have a program for the parents and camp life came to an end. Back home to the everyday life and work or school.

Being a counselor gave me the courage to teach Sunday school and even go on a mission trip. God knows what He is doing.

You can understand some of the decision or paths God has had for you when you look back and reflect on your life.

A look back in time rambling

As my niece graduates high school this past week I think back to my 18th year to the present.

I was 17 when I graduated high school because of my August birthday. Fresh out of school and looking forward to community college I signed up to be a camp counselor. This was the first year our Presbytery had camp for 1-6 grades and high school and college age were counselors.

So at 5 mile lake in Auburn we went. I was in charge of the boats, ok canoes. I got to meet all the kids during afternoon free time and help them in the canoes. Over looking the swimming area and getting plenty of sun reflecting of "root beer lake" I was very happy. Root beer lake because the water reflected the bottom back light brown, with alot of lilly pads.

It was so much fun. The kids were eager for the most part to come to camp and learn about God.
I was a counselor for 13 years and got to know the kids and see them grow up and come back as counselors. So many I still see at church and on facebook. I have seen some grow up and serve the Lord in missions, so marry and have a family. Others making choices that are not the best.

Over the years my cabin seemed to be the girls from Westminster Church even though I attended Hillcrest. God knew what he was doing. I attend Westminster now and have for 19 years.

One of the girls grew up and married my nephew.

Some of the kids came from home situations that were not the best and to see them have a ball and hear the word of God, some for the first time, come to accept the Lord as there personal savior it the best reward of the week.

There is nothing like the great outdoor to run in, play in, swim in and of course throw water balloons in. Every Friday we would have a big water balloon fight. Kids and adults were all wet and tired but feeling so energized.
On Saturday we would have a program for the parents and camp life came to an end. Back home to the everyday life and work or school.

Being a counselor gave me the courage to teach Sunday school and even go on a mission trip. God knows what He is doing.

You can understand some of the decision or paths God has had for you when you look back and reflect on your life.

A Challenge

We are all on the internet, texting, im ing, twittering, and of course blogging. When was the last time you wrote a letter?

I mean by your hand, with a pen, on paper?

Last night at Bible study the lesson ended with Write a letter to Jesus. With the instruction "Don't just pray but write because there is something special about writing it down."

So I wrote Jesus a letter.

What a better way to relive your day seeing how He made it so special. I just rambled my way through the day. I am so thankful for a loving God being so important in my life.

We learned that God gave His all for us His son and we should give our all for Him. How many times do we just do what we want with no thought of what God wants done?

Even though we are taking our time getting through the book in bible study there is so much I have learned and have applied in my life.

So I challenge you to write a letter to Jesus. Just tell Him about your life.